Lessons from my daughter

Being a mother is rewarding, joyous, humbling, frustrating, and trying all at the same time. Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mother.

I love hearing “Mommy!” as I come in the door, quickly followed by a tackling hug. I love the sweet kisses she plants on my cheek. I love the funny things she says, and the awkward questions she asks. And I love seeing the world through her eyes.

Being a mother has opened my eyes to many of my own flaws, and helped me become a better person.

Every child is so unique, and has their own set of needs.

My daughter is competitive. Sometimes, the only way I can motivate her to do something is to pretend to race her (let’s face it, I’ve let her win all but once, so it isn’t really a race). Bribery doesn’t work. Threats don’t work. Time outs don’t work. But competition works.

My daughter also needs to be in control and have her own space. (I know. I know. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree on that one.) We have had numerous power struggles over petty things. I’ve had to learn to let her have it her way when it really doesn’t matter.

She likes to argue points. And she’ll never let us win a verbal argument. NEVER. Scott keeps reminding me that I just need to sit there quietly and not argue with her. I normally have to walk away instead, because it’s too hard for me to sit there in silence. (Scott’s much better about being able to sit quietly holding Lily’s hand until she’s calmed down.)

She is also a person of routine. I think it has a lot to do with her need to feel in control of things. She needs to know what to expect. She doesn’t like surprises. Scott & I have naturally adapted to that need. We always tell her the night before, or the morning of, what is going to happen that day. If we try to deviate from routine (like not “hiding” from Scott when he comes up to her room for family prayer) then she throws a tantrum.

And when one of those fabulous tantrums happen, I have to ignore all my natural inklings of how to respond. I’ve tried the time outs. I’ve tried yelling. It doesn’t work. What works is taking her into a quiet room, and hugging her. It’s times like that that she needs to feel loved and accepted the most. So even though I want to throw my own tantrum, I have to take a breath and remember who the 3 year old is in the relationship.